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Real Knives

An interview with Madison riff-rockers, Real Knives

Real Knives captured at High Noon Saloon - photo by Rise Up Lights Artist's Facebook
by Mike Huberty
March 2014

Headbangers with a sense of humor and some mean-ass riffs, Madison’s REAL KNIVES are dirty whiskey-soaked hard rock. Bassist/vocalist Wade Coisman, lead guitarist Shane Keck, drummer Kai Anderson, and guitarist/vocalist Mark Weber are four dudes dedicated to abusing their instruments and livers while dishing out face-melting guitar solos and fist-pumping beats. March 24th they’re opening for Buckcherry at The Red Zone (formerly The Annex at Regent Street Retreat), so we decided to take some time to talk to the band about the upcoming show and what they’re up to.

Maximim Ink: You guys have a classic hard rock, headbanger sound. Who were some of your favorite artists growing up?
Real Knives: Guns N’ Roses, Jane’s Addiction, Uriah Heep, Metallica, Tom Waits, Buckethead, Soul Coughing, Queens of the Stone Age… and oh yeah, the dude who drew the big old-school Arby’s cowboy hat logo.

MI: Are those the bands that you guys gelled on as musicians?
RK: I don’t think I’ve ever gelled on a fellow musician, as I believe gelling on a band mate or otherwise would be disrespectful and, in most states (and countries) illegal. However gelling on girlfriends is awesome! Regardless of their feelings and/or if she’s in a band. This is a weird question Mike…

MI: So, what song should people unfamiliar with REAL KNIVES listen to first?
RK: “Should, Coulda, Woulda”, because if you’re a girl, it hits you harder than your first period. If you’re a boy, it will hit your girlfriend harder than her first period and you owe her melting baby motor cage lots of chocolate for your sins. It’s a straight to the point, violent ass pincher that doesn’t ever call you back after making you believe in love again, and leaves a trout in your bed. It’s more drenched in rock juice than R. Kelly’s underage whore on a Friday night. It’s like Baskin Robbins, 31 flavors of rock instead of bullshit vanilla. I fuckin’ hate vanilla.

MI: Wow, great. Yeah, vanilla sucks. So, the Buckcherry show on the 24th sounds like it’s going to be awesome. What can people expect?
RK: Well, a lot of well groomed and not so groomed hair. Some organic shampoo scents along with some pizza and chicken burps lingering in the air. Shane cries sometimes. Giant, gratuitous guitar riffs and solos raping your face holes. Sweeping, badass vocals, whipping your squishy parts with a car antenna. Bass that steps on your feet with gravel truck rims and drums that beat you harder than the Jackson 5 on rehearsal night in Joe Jackson’s living room. I love playing out in general, but I especially love when we’ve got any kind of longer set. It’s like a conjugal visit; 45 minutes just isn’t enough time. Unless I’m hammered.

MI: Sounds like you’re pretty excited.
RK: My heart and ovaries are about to explode!
                                                       
MI: Anything you think I missed?
RK: Well, it’d be really fuckin’ nice if Pizza Hut could follow through and put extra sauce on my pepperoni pizza when I fuckin’ order it that way. I don’t how many extra calories it takes to dump a little bit more of the red stuff on there, fuckin’ lazy pricks. If you’re on the beltline, please keep your slow ass to the right. Some of us have shit to do. Oh, Shane teaches guitar lessons at Madison Music Foundry. Take lessons from him if you want to learn the craft of shred so that you can conjure up all sorts of birds and dogs around your house singing in perfect harmony. Real Knives is in no way affiliated with the self-cutting, women’s outreach program is down the hall…  p.s. I love you.


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