The Black Diamond Heavies
It was one of those humid June evenings where it would be just as easy to go naked as to put anything on, I did the next best thing. Wife beater, no bra, wafer thin cotton Capri’s, commando as the boys like to say, and flats. My roommate Cupcake was severely strapped in, I don’t know what the hell she was thinking. On the advice of “Big and Polish” we are taking in a band called The Black Diamond Heavies, cool name huh? I had very little prior knowledge of the Heavies, the aforementioned large one turned me on to their debut disc “Every Damn Time” on Alive Records and I was down. I like keyboards and gravelly vocals so it wasn’t a stretch for me but I wasn’t expecting anything spectacular.
And that’s how it started in the lair of the trashy trio at 222 on the Sirloin strip, the conversation is easy, cocktails are cold, the leaf is sweet and we are in a…yeah, this should be ok, different anyway, kind of mood. We have invited a couple of friends to meet us at the show who live in Green Bay, which is where we are headed, downtown. Say what you will about downtown Titletown, it’s easy to park. We do, right across from the venue and saunter in fashionably late. Two opening acts were cute young local boys. Caught two songs from the first band, whole set of the second. Sorry guys, don’t remember names. Didn’t hate either of them, I will say this about both, they had balls, it wasn’t shit. Bass player for the second band with no socks was ooolala and I see the drummer for the first band walking in downtown Appleton on occasion. I think his name is Amos or something like that anyway, well worth supporting. It was cool that the members of the opening acts hung out, it was stupid that the 15 or so friends who came out to support them left, maybe they just couldn’t handle the filth.
It’s like this, I’m a woman of a certain age. What I’ve noticed as I get along is that sex keeps getting better. Sometimes, if the moon is full so to speak, I will be lying in bed, my lover either departed or asleep, my naught parts still tingly, I’m dripping that dirty little drip, and every now and then a wave of pleasure will rack my body and I shiver, squirm, and moan just a little in delight. This can go on for an hour or so post coitus. What does this have to do with The Black Diamond Heavies? It’s the closest thing I can come up with to describe what this show was like. From the instant Leg placed his fingers down on the keys and hit that first drawn out note the place filled with a vibration that felt like a fog, it engulfed, and had its way with me. I was hooked from the git-go. By the time Van Campbell climbed on board behind the kit, sneaking up to the vibe, I knew I was in trouble. Cupcake saddled up with a devilish smile and a cold beer for yours truly, I let out an uncharacteristically girly giggle and pee’d in my pants a little. I never recovered, I was grabbed by the spine and tossed about, I heard strange sounds in my head, visions, hot flashes, it wasn’t religion but it shook my goddamn soul. I felt like Lisa Bonet in Blackheart, it was an hour and a half of mayhem. I’m here to bear witness ladies and gentlemen, The Black Diamond Heavies took this poor little white trash girl in a way that was both carnal and debasing.
It’s the Sunday after, Cupcake and I are into the routine, lots of pot, lots of coffee, plenty of fashion magazines.
“I still feel a little dirty and a little more than badass after that show”
“I smell what you’re stepping in Cupcake, it’s a sexy kind of dirty though isn’t it?”
“Yeah, maybe that’s it. It’s a wake up in the morning with somebody else’s underwear on kind dirty…it’s a post coital drip kinda sexy dirty”
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Black Diamond Heavies
CD: A Touch of Someone Else's Class Record Label: Alive Records
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